So the past 3 weeks, since Rune left home and moved into St. Josephs, have gone extraordinarily quickly and much has happened in both our journeys since then.
Following a really hairy and unsure day on the Friday,Rune moved into St Josephs on Saturday 7th January 2017. He really surprised me in the morning, actually. I wondered if there would be many tears and last minute refusal to pack his bags, let alone leave the house, but no such thing happened. We took quite a while to pack his consoles, games and dvds in his bags. Not just because there are so many (!!!) but also because it was really important that Rune didn’t in any way feel rushed into anything. I occasionally helped him as well as leaving him alone to get on privately. Meanwhile, I packed his clothes in another suitcase in my bedroom.
A little later in the morning, I went into Rune’s room to find him fast asleep on his bed. So I covered him up and left him there and then realised that I too felt really tired. It wasn’t through lack of sleep. I reckon it was more of an emotional reaction to the big build up and now, of course, the day was finally here.
Rune woke up and came to find me. He climbed onto my bed with me and we fell back to sleep again together, cuddling. It was just what we needed. Just me and my boy, holding onto each other and snuggling.
When we woke up, we loaded the car, got our last bits and pieces together and went on our way. India was brilliant with helping carry Rune’s belongings to the car and despite feeling poorly the previous day, was really pleased that she felt so much better as she really didn’t want to miss Rune moving into his new home. They’re close, not just because they’re twins, or because they share the same rare genetic condition, but simply because they are both beautiful people who love and respect each other and who both are genuinely kind to one another. I’m very lucky to be their mum.
As we approached the gates of St Josephs and wound our way up the long driveway, Rune, once again, surprised me. with his calmness and seeming acceptance of the situation. The last time he had been here was in September last year some four months previously.
‘He’s holding it all in’, I thought. I had totally convinced myself that any time now, Smith Magenis Syndrome was going to make an explosive entrance. But no sign of SMS then or throughout the rest of the day.
We were met by Dan, group manager, at the door and together with a couple of other staff members, we all carried Rune’s luggage upstairs to the group. After introducing Rune to his new room and placing the bags in there, India and I had a cup of coffee whilst Rune got busy checking out the X-Box and hanging out with his mates.
Later in the afternoon, I unpacked Rune’s belongings and placed them around his room to give a more homely feel. I felt okay doing this, actually. I didn’t think I would, but I felt fine. I think it’s because this is happening without any resistance. We’re in alignment as it’s all a part of the bigger plan.
We hung out with Rune for the rest of the day in the group, just playing games, drinking coffee, chatting to staff and the other young learners. Then…..it was time to leave and say our goodbyes.
Rune again surprised me by reacting really positively to my announcing India and I were leaving and chose to come downstairs to see us off. Of course, there were lots of hugs but instead of Rune clinging onto me desperately and not allowing me to leave, he let me go through the dining room door to outside. He stood at the window which our car was parked in front of and that’s when the tears started. It was utterly heart breaking to see him rubbing his eyes and I knew the best thing to do for myself and him was just to drive away.
As India and I wound our way in the car along the stretch of the driveway leading us away from St. Josephs and away from our beautiful son and brother, I felt in shock! I just couldn’t quite grasp the fact that…well…that was that. Rune had left home! That feeling of ‘not quite rightness’ continued on into the evening. India and I had planned to go to the cinema together and then onto a meal but I suddenly became incredibly tired. Physically and emotionally, I was just so drained. The cinema was definitely off the menu tonight but I felt bad for India. She’d been looking forward to the evening so we decided to still go for the meal. Bless my beautiful India. She’s so sweet, understanding and supportive.
Wagamama is one of our favourite places to eat so we toodled off there and had a delicious early evening meal of Pad Thai noodles and coconut curry noodles.
For the rest of the evening, we just chilled on the sofa. I felt very weird and quite sad. I couldn’t settle to anything or make my mind up about what I wanted to do. Read, TV, write; I just couldn’t decide on a thing. I realised that I was best doing nothing and honouring the way I felt rather than purposely try to fill the gap. I needed to just, you know, BE.
Today was the day my son left home. I send you off my darling boy with all the love in my heart and am safe in the knowledge that you will shine as a young man and beyond. Your disability doesn’t define who you are. You have the strength inside of you to overcome your fears and whatever obstacles and challenges you will almost certainly face. But one day at a time. We must all just take things one day at a time. It’s all we can do.
Love you my darling.