Ganesha, Mandala and The Flower of Life: My tattoo

As an artist, I do love tattoos. Especially when they are well-designed creations painted with skill.

However, this isn’t quite how I would describe my initial four small tattoos which were impulse purchases between the ages of fourteen and eighteen. Absolutely no thought went into them whatsoever. I literally would just rock up the nearest tattooist and with a few quid in my pocket, pick out something from the book of designs and go for it!

Fast forward 30 years and things have changed dramatically in the UK.  For a start, it is illegal to tattoo any minor under the age of eighteen and conditions of the studios are subject to stringent health and safety regulations. A far cry from when, at age fifteen, I popped my boob out of my bra in front of a waiting room full of people and told the old tattooist to paint a rose on it!

I want to be a painted lady. I love tattoos

Last November, in Goa, I decided it was time again to make that mark on my skin . This time, however, it was going to be different. This time, I wanted my skin to be permanently painted with a design which meant something dear to me. A design which demonstrated who I was. A reflection of my inner mind, of what makes me tick.

Lord Ganesha.

The child of Shiva and Shakti, The Remover of Obstacles. The elephant headed God.

Understanding the metaphor of Shiva and Shakti is an understanding of great spiritual wealth. Adam and Eve,  Yin and Yang. Parusha and Prakruti. The Divine Feminine and Masculine energies from whenceforth we have all been created are Universal Truth and I wished to have this truth etched on my skin whilst I am alive and living in this 4D reality we call life.

I browsed various tattoo studios in North Goa but they were all shit. Less of a studio and more of a back ( or front ) street hovel. Side by side, these tattoo parlours line the tourist drag with nothing new or authentic to offer. The shop fronts all display the same photoshopped images of models with incredible tattoos which the artists can only dream of creating. One guy in a shop was so fucking stoned he couldn’t even make eye contact. I wasn’t going to let him loose on my arm!

And then I found Mandala Tattoo in Arambol. I noticed the painted sign hanging from up high so I climbed the stairs and entered into a proper art studio. Painted designs of manadals adorned the walls and I knew I had come to the right place.

I talked with Suraj, the beautiful Nepalese guy and the creator of the designs. He spoke with such creativity and with such passion for his work. I was hooked. I was in. This was the guy for me! We discussed the initial Ganesh design but what followed flowed from Suraj’s own beautiful and creative mind. He is a true artist.

My initial sittings were of Lord Ganesha. I slept. I actually SLEPT whilst being tattooed. I felt sooo relaxed! I knew I was supposed to be feeling pain but I didn’t. The sound of the gun and the pulling sensation on my arm was hypnotic.

During the mandala sitting I experienced a higher state of consciousness. Suraj tattooed my mandala with dot work.

I layed on the bed and felt the pain of that needle making minute dots into my skin. I knew I could overcome this pain, Instead of fearing this pain I knew I could make peace with it. And at the moment I decided to do that, at the moment I released my egoic mind, at the moment I decided to be completely present with this pain energy and to view it as my friend, I overcame it. I became one with the pain. I realised the pain as pure energy. And in the moment I did that, the energy of pain ceased to exist. The pain became an entity which I knew I had control over. And with this realisation, wonders happened.

Suraj and I became surrounded by pure light. It was Divine. My senses became extremely heightened. I could hear people talking on the balcony of the studio. And then I could see them even though a wall divided us. White light burst forth from my hands and fingertips.

And then I felt nothing, No pain. I could feel the tugging on my skin but the pain was completely numb.


Mandalas are very powerful energy forces. When we think about them, draw them, create them, we are, energetically, allowing ourselves to tap into a Universal truth. The Universe wants us to experience these truths. The Universe wants us to align with it’s forces because those forces are OUR forces because we ARE the Universe. Every single cell in our body is a mandala, is a Universal Truth. We are the microcosm of the macrocosm.

Please enjoy the photo’s of the unfolding of my tattoo.

Love Heidi xx




Healing Through the Power of the Full Moon ( and angels?)

So much seems to be happening to me lately, spiritually speaking. Even though I slept well and long, I still woke tired because it has been rather an eventful night. So, I’ll just get right on and tell you what happened to me, ( with me?)

Thursday 7th September 2017 and I turned in early, around 8.45pm that night. I decided to listen to the full moon meditation on one of the pages I have joined on facebook as the live broadcast of it had been the previous night and I’d missed it.

I placed my phone on the pillow next to me and almost immediately after the meditation started with the angelic voice of Charu, I felt something to start happening in my hands.

Firstly in my right, and then my left. It was as though a power was starting to flow through them. A description for the feeling is ‘fizziness’, if that makes sense. Not in the pins and needles type way, but in an energy type way. I was laid on my side at the time and I wondered what on earth was happening to my hands! And then the only way I can describe it was that I was ‘taken over’.

The energy in my hands quickly became something that wasn’t me and I could just feel this power coming through my body and out through my hands. I didn’t feel the same fizziness through my whole body but I could literally feel my body filling up with power. This force didn’t seem to have an entry point, you know? It wasn’t coming from my head for eg. My body as a whole, all at the same time, was becoming more and more powerful. It was very strong.

I was suddenly wide awake! The power extended beyond my body and filled the room! Although, of course, ‘filling a room’ is just an interpretation based on my physical experience, but really, I’m certain that this energy force, this power, extended far, far beyond the point of the physical restraints of my house!

As this power filled me up, I felt compelled to shift from lying on my side to lying on my back and then something that wasn’t ‘me’ extended my arms in the air and lifted my hands. I was lying there, in my bed, alone and with my arms and hands reached as long and as high as I could make them go, with a power surging through me. My eyes were wide and staring. It was absolutely incredible!

Charu’s voice was no longer coming from my phone on the pillow. It filled the whole room! And then she said something about raising your hands to allow this full moon power through you and I thought, ‘I am, I am! That is exactly what I’m doing!’

I can’t say this power was beautiful because it wasn’t. It wasn’t as though I was filled with a wonderful, sublime love energy, yet it wasn’t dark either. It was just very, very strong.

Now, I haven’t experienced period pains for 11 years as I last bled in September 2006. Suddenly, however, I felt my womb ache and again, a force outside of me ( or in me?) placed my vibrating hands right on my lower belly, and it wasn’t gently either. Everything was like BAM! And I held them there and then Charu said something about womb space, womb energy and again I thought, ‘Oh my God, this has just happened to me!’

The next feeling was extraordinary, ( as if the previous feelings weren’t!!). It was as though something was being extracted from deep inside me, yet it wasn’t from deep inside my physical body,. I mean deep, deep inside the very core of my being. It was so powerful! It was as though this bad stuff was being pulled from inside me and it caused me to involuntary arch my back. And I cried. But I didn’t cry like Boo Hoo Hoo. You know when you’re in so much emotional pain and when you cry that no noise comes out? You’re ready to but it’s like something is building up inside your belly waiting to let rip? Well, yeah. That happened. And I had no idea what was going on. I was just in it.

Again, the feeling wasn’t beautiful yet I realised then that the essence of what was happening, was. I knew that a lifetime ( and who knows how many more lifetimes ) of pain, heartache and shit was being released from me in the most intense way.  A profound healing was taking place.

And then I let it out!

A sound that came from inside the very depths of my belly, my being, just made its way up my body and out through my mouth. It wasn’t a cry or a scream, It was a long, loud, guttural Arrgghhh sound. Such release! And then I cried. And cried and cried. I laid there in the darkness of my room, swimming in an intensely powerful energy field with my hands on my womb and cried. And whilst I was crying, Charu’s voice, which seemed to come from another place, said something about not receiving love from your birth mother and again, it just completely connected to what I was experiencing at that time.

I looked up at my darkened room and saw two white lights. One to my left and one to my right. They weren’t blinding, bright lights or anything. They were faint yet not so faint that they escaped my notice. They weren’t huge either, more of a line each with no defining edges to them. And I stared at them, moving my eyes from one to the other and I felt them and didn’t know which one to look at first.

I stayed like this, surrounded with power in and around me for a time which I can’t define. Then the room was quiet and I could no longer hear Charu’s voice, presumably because the meditation had finished. I remember then that the power slowly died and went away, including the white lights and I just laid there, not in a peaceful state necessarily. I was exhausted and fell asleep.

When I woke up in the middle of the night I looked to see what time it was and it was 03:33am. This doesn’t surprise me anymore. The angels have been communicating to me through numbers, and many other ways, for 6 months now. Of course, I instantly remembered what had happened and I started to cry. I curled up, naked, in the fetal position and cried.

I started to nod off but then instead of sleeping, I began to astral project and I thought, ‘No. No, I can’t do this now’. But it was happening anyway whether I liked it or not. I didn’t astral project upwards, I was instead ‘rolling’ for want of a better word, off the side of my bed and then I was being spoken to by a voice. The voice had a sweet, kind energy about it. And the voice said, ‘You are coming and you are going down’. And I talked back to this voice but only through thought and I said, ‘what do you mean I’m going down? I don’t want to go down. I don’t want to go anywhere. Where are you taking me?’ I knew I was being taken to somewhere yet I didn’t feel scared. I think I was just too exhausted and so emotionally spent. I literally knew that resistance was not an option and so I then said, ‘Okay, I’ll go. Just do whatever it is you’re going to do. Just take me to wherever you’re taking me. Whatever you’re going to do to me, I surrender to what is’. And I say surrender but it felt to me more like a resignation because so much has happened to me lately along this same vein that I am in a space where I recognise that healings and awakenings of sorts are taking place at an alarming rate and this was just more of the same. I knew that whatever was about to happen to me, or however ‘bad’ it was going to be, was going to be more of my release of pain.

I was then lying in a road. A busy, main road and next to me was a little boy with brown hair. I don’t know who this boy was but he was just laying by my side. I didn’t feel any need to protect him, I didn’t recognise him, but I just know that I felt incredible sadness. I could see the cars on the other side of the road to where we were laying, just whizzing past yet none were on our side. I thought, ‘I’m going to stay here. Just let a fucking car come and run us over. Just kill me.’ I  had literally given up. And then I heard a car coming and I knew it was for me, yet this car remained at the same distance away, ( through sound only, I didn’t actually see the car). It was as though it was waiting for me to make a decision.

I made the decision to get up.

I didn’t want to die on that road. I had changed my mind and decided that I would actually quite like to live. So I got up and I took that boy with me over to the path and stood by a wall. And that was it. I don’t remember anything else.

I woke up in the morning and cried. I cried in my bed, I cried sitting on the loo, I cried and cried and felt so heavy with emotion that I couldn’t see how I was going to function properly that day with all the things I have to do. I felt like I’d been beaten up. Every muscle in my body ached.

Clearly, a healing had taken place but I didn’t feel light or energised in any way. However, life goes on and my day progressed and happily, I ended up seeing my beautiful granddaughter that day. She has the power to lift me because I love her so, so much and she makes me laugh and I always feel so happy when I’m around her, the lovely little 2-year-old energy that she is.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for my healing.