The Teachings of Ram Dass

I AM: Divine Nature

The minute you start to allow yourself to be beautiful, the minute you can say not I would be fine if I were this way, but I Am, I Am.

Close your eyes and say to yourself now, I Am.

And look at all your stuff and just let it be. Don’t wish it any other way than it is, and just say I Am and allow your personality and all it’s problems, your body and all it’s problems, your social scene and economic scene and all it’s problems, see it all as just the workings of nature, like trees grow and trees die and rivers and fish and birds and brooks and all of it. Just look at it all and allow it space, and see that within it all, I Am.

I Am. I Am.

And as more and more you begin to recognize the I Am, when you look at other beings, you will see that in them. And I Am meets I Am in love….not romantic love, not possessive love, not needful love, not jealous love, not the polarity of love and hate in the ocean of love, because you can add on I Am Love.

I Am Love.

I’m not asking you what your emotions are at this moment.

I Am Love.

I Am Awareness.

I Am Energy.

Feel your whole body as merely a pulsating pattern of energy, all of your thoughts as forms of energy. See it all as just patterns and patterns of energy.

I Am the Spirit Made Manifest.

I Am the Spirit Made Manifest.

I Am what I Am and I Am God.

All of the difficulties with your body, all of the difficulties in your social world, all of the difficulties in your personality, all will fall into perspective when you recognize I Am. Some of them will disappear because you won’t need them anymore. And some of them you will understand as the perfect expression of the working out of your karma, and you will allow them to continue.

Make sure you heard that.

When you have entered into the place of I Am, then all your physical problems, all of your social problems, all of your psychological problems will come into perspective. Those that you do not need will fall away. Others you will recognize as the perfect working out of your karma, and you will allow them to continue.

I Am Love

Who I Am is not vulnerable.

When your body dies, I Am. Before time, I Am.

With each problem you think you have, see that it is your model of having the problem that is the problem. Don’t analyze your way out of it. Just sit down quietly and follow your breath. And if you can learn how to talk to God, or talk to your inner guru, open your heart. Be in an intimate relationship with your beloved. Talk through the Divine Mother. Be in Love with the spirit of God. Open your heart in the inner chambers and say to your beloved, Let me know you. Let me merge into you.Let me even pass by my separateness of my love for you to become One with you.

That’s the prayer.

When you pray to God, pray for God, that’s the route home. It’s all said, it’s right there. It’s in every motel room. The living Truth, everything you needed to know is sitting right there, right there.

Ram Dass.

We Are One With All That Is.

These excerpts are taken from the beautiful documentary, Another World. The film that will change the way you see the world.

Our time has become a mechanised nightmare. A machine wakes us up in the morning. We get into another machine which takes us to our work place where, you can bet, our job is to work in front of another machine for the entire day, all day long. And then at the end of a day like this, we get back into another machine and we go back home and we find more machines which are in charge of our recreation. At the end of a month of this sort of life, we get in return for our time, which is sacred, an amount of money, the most successful hypnosis of our planet. And with that money, we happily rush out to buy new machines.

In today’s culture, an ever increasing part of society, from young children to adults, live in a virtual world. Within the boundaries of their devices, their iPad, their chat, it’s a life that conditions us to never be connected to what is happening around us. To cease being agents of life and to become subjects of life, passive subjects of life.

Nature. It doesn’t belong to us. It’s all borrowed stuff. I’m not a materialistic person. I’m not gonna take it with me. As long as I’m here to enjoy what I have and who I’m with.

Westin Luke Penuma
Member of the Hopi Tribe

Native Americans end their prayers with one simple phrase; to all my relations. What I ask the Great Spirit, or give thanks to Mother Earth for all I receive, I give to all my relations. Not only on a humanistic level, but my relatives, the trees, the grass, rivers, animals, birds, insects. Because I realise that if all this is around me there is sense in everything.

Today, we are going back to the understanding that the earth as the great mother. That we belong to her, not that she belongs to us. Therefore we have to respect her. We have to treat her as a Great Mother. With love and with respect.

…Europeans use three tools to achieve this conquest ( genocide of Native Cultures). The first was the sword. The second was religion and the third was the calendar. The Christian calendar, the Gregorian calendar, destroyed human synchronisation with nature and the movements of the stars across the sky, implementing a calendar based on the life of one person, which is Jesus and determined from the probable time of his birth how to count time and create a calendar. That tool was the most important instrument, the one that contributed in a greater way to change the conception of human beings today, to stop thinking that time is all we have, the only treasure for human beings, only to have it changed into a merchandise. The calendar has to do with taxes with the duty of human beings to remunerate in money or with work for the work that is done. What it did was to formally establish that a lifetime can be quantified, bought and even sold. In other words, our life is no longer our life, but the life of he who pays us for our time.

Everywhere is the center of the world. Everything is sacred.

Black Elk

We’ve been living for thousands of years in an artificial time, (theoretically divided into 24 hours, 60 minutes, 60 seconds) in which we are convinced that time is money. These cycles do not belong to natural time.

“Everything about Hopi life is about nature. We give thanks to the Father Sun. We give thanks to Mother Earth for letting us walk her land and enjoy her beauty of life.

Westin Luke Penuma
Member of the Hopi Tribe

To Indians, Mother Earth is what gives us shelter. The mother that supports us the human being. Just like the animals, trees, sky, clouds, grass, stones. We are one of the many links in the endless chain of Creation. So we all belong to just one ONE. We are different aspects of one reality. We were the ones who shattered it, created the differences, split it up and this is the reason we are unhappy. We never see ourselves as what’s reflected around us because we always see ourselves as separate from it.

We are all from this earth (…) You should treat all things as though they are Spirit. Realize that we are One family. We are all one thing.

Red Crow

I am you in your mistakes, in your shadows, in your luminosity. I am a reflection of you and, maybe, the things I like least about you are the things I like least about me. And that means not only to a greeting to another human being but to everything that exists. With you tree, with you sky, with you mountain, with you raindrop, with everything that exists. There is nothing that exists from The Whole.

We ourselves are made up of 70 – 80% water and this happens to be the same as with the earth. The so called terraqueous globe is made of water up to 70 – 80%. We call her Mother earth because we obviously come from her. If that’s where we come from, we must have the same properties. And where does the earth come from? Doesn’t it come from what we call The Cosmos? And isn’t that cosmos, that mysterious dark energy which we think we’ve been looking for at all levels and which we do not find, that dark energy is thought.

In The Universe, there is nothing that can be stronger than thought. It is thought that generates matter. Matter is about the effect of the cosmic thought, of a cosmic project that has enabled it to reveal itself.

Whether we like it or not, we are the cause of ourselves. By coming into this world we come under the illusion on senses: we believe what is apparent. The fear seizes us and we forget that we are Divine, that we can alter the course of events.

Giordano Bruno

You are what your deep driving desire is. As your desire is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny.

Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 1V.4.5

I am not affiliated with Gaia TV in any way but I do like to share the link because I encourage people to try truth TV. If you’d like to watch Another World, you can do so here.

Namaste sweet sisters and brothers.

Ganesha, Mandala and The Flower of Life: My tattoo

As an artist, I do love tattoos. Especially when they are well-designed creations painted with skill.

However, this isn’t quite how I would describe my initial four small tattoos which were impulse purchases between the ages of fourteen and eighteen. Absolutely no thought went into them whatsoever. I literally would just rock up the nearest tattooist and with a few quid in my pocket, pick out something from the book of designs and go for it!

Fast forward 30 years and things have changed dramatically in the UK.  For a start, it is illegal to tattoo any minor under the age of eighteen and conditions of the studios are subject to stringent health and safety regulations. A far cry from when, at age fifteen, I popped my boob out of my bra in front of a waiting room full of people and told the old tattooist to paint a rose on it!

I want to be a painted lady. I love tattoos

Last November, in Goa, I decided it was time again to make that mark on my skin . This time, however, it was going to be different. This time, I wanted my skin to be permanently painted with a design which meant something dear to me. A design which demonstrated who I was. A reflection of my inner mind, of what makes me tick.

Lord Ganesha.

The child of Shiva and Shakti, The Remover of Obstacles. The elephant headed God.

Understanding the metaphor of Shiva and Shakti is an understanding of great spiritual wealth. Adam and Eve,  Yin and Yang. Parusha and Prakruti. The Divine Feminine and Masculine energies from whenceforth we have all been created are Universal Truth and I wished to have this truth etched on my skin whilst I am alive and living in this 4D reality we call life.

I browsed various tattoo studios in North Goa but they were all shit. Less of a studio and more of a back ( or front ) street hovel. Side by side, these tattoo parlours line the tourist drag with nothing new or authentic to offer. The shop fronts all display the same photoshopped images of models with incredible tattoos which the artists can only dream of creating. One guy in a shop was so fucking stoned he couldn’t even make eye contact. I wasn’t going to let him loose on my arm!

And then I found Mandala Tattoo in Arambol. I noticed the painted sign hanging from up high so I climbed the stairs and entered into a proper art studio. Painted designs of manadals adorned the walls and I knew I had come to the right place.

I talked with Suraj, the beautiful Nepalese guy and the creator of the designs. He spoke with such creativity and with such passion for his work. I was hooked. I was in. This was the guy for me! We discussed the initial Ganesh design but what followed flowed from Suraj’s own beautiful and creative mind. He is a true artist.

My initial sittings were of Lord Ganesha. I slept. I actually SLEPT whilst being tattooed. I felt sooo relaxed! I knew I was supposed to be feeling pain but I didn’t. The sound of the gun and the pulling sensation on my arm was hypnotic.

During the mandala sitting I experienced a higher state of consciousness. Suraj tattooed my mandala with dot work.

I layed on the bed and felt the pain of that needle making minute dots into my skin. I knew I could overcome this pain, Instead of fearing this pain I knew I could make peace with it. And at the moment I decided to do that, at the moment I released my egoic mind, at the moment I decided to be completely present with this pain energy and to view it as my friend, I overcame it. I became one with the pain. I realised the pain as pure energy. And in the moment I did that, the energy of pain ceased to exist. The pain became an entity which I knew I had control over. And with this realisation, wonders happened.

Suraj and I became surrounded by pure light. It was Divine. My senses became extremely heightened. I could hear people talking on the balcony of the studio. And then I could see them even though a wall divided us. White light burst forth from my hands and fingertips.

And then I felt nothing, No pain. I could feel the tugging on my skin but the pain was completely numb.


Mandalas are very powerful energy forces. When we think about them, draw them, create them, we are, energetically, allowing ourselves to tap into a Universal truth. The Universe wants us to experience these truths. The Universe wants us to align with it’s forces because those forces are OUR forces because we ARE the Universe. Every single cell in our body is a mandala, is a Universal Truth. We are the microcosm of the macrocosm.

Please enjoy the photo’s of the unfolding of my tattoo.

Love Heidi xx




Kundalini Awakening Within Religion

This excerpt from the documentary KUNDALINI highlights how our kundalini energy, our awakened consciousness, which rises from the root chakra to the crown, is depicted in religions of the world.



Shiva Shakti represent the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine energies

According to Hindu tradition, Kundalini Shakti or the divine feminine energy resides at the base of the spine in the first chakra and slowly makes her ascent up the spine when she has been awakened. Her role as divine energy is to travel to the crown chakra at the top of the head to unite with her beloved Shiva, the divine masculine energy, or pure consciousness who is inert until the sacred circuit is completed. Shakti’s duty is to purify the individual in the soul body, physical body, mental body, psychological body and emotional body as she ascends, giving us her blessings to evolve to our maximum potential. Kundalini nourishes the Tree of Life within us and is coiled up like a sleeping snake and therefore it is called the serpent power.






Christians called it a reflection of the Holy Ghost. The Old Testament symbol becomes significant in Christianity when Christ suggests Kundalini awakening. And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness even as the Son of Man be lifted up that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have eternal life.




Mercury and the Caduceus

The caduceus, held by Roman God Mercury with one or two coiled serpents entwined around the staff, represents Kundalini which rises along the central, subtle channel in a spiral movement.




The Lord Buddha spoke of the Middle Path to achieve Nirvana. He was actually describing the central channel Sushumna which the Kundalini ascends from the root chakra to the crown chakra.



quranIn the Holy Quran, the prophet Mohammed Sahib talked of the day of resurrection when he says that The Hands Will Speak. When Kundalini awakening occurs a flow of energy in the form of cool vibrations from the hands is experienced. And the various chakras can be felt on parts of the hands and fingers.



The Hand of Hamesh 

Shekhina, the radiance of God is the Hebrew concept of Kundalini Shakti. It is a feminine Hebrew word meaning the dwelling or settling and is used to denote the dwelling or settling presence of God.




“The thing to be aware of though, when a person is going through the process of raising their kundalini Shakti, it’s very difficult for them to identify it and it’s what I call the false kundalini process or the false born again. It’s a fairly easy process if I were ruthless and wanted to control people, to lead them through it. What it is is a mind control technique. It’s really simple. It’s done quite often in charismatic churches. Where you:

  1. Allow the volume or your voice to go up and down.
  2. Tell a sad story, a happy story, knock a person’s emotional consciousness of balance.
  3. Induce guilt, fear or anger.
  4. Offer them a way to get rid of that.

They will swear on a bible they are born again and it has absolutely nothing to do with religion. It is a mind control game. It is actually a stage hypnosis induction technique.

It’s totally false and where it is so dangerous is, the pitfall is instead of you surrendering to the Divine, which is what makes a person raise the  consciousness slope, the person surrenders their authority to another human being. They look for some-ONE to surrender their authority to.”



Heidi xx


Regular T.V doesn’t hold much interest for me.

The majority of what we are shown is fear-inducing, low vibrational content. Not all of the time, granted. Comedy shows and earth and animal documentaries are great and really interest me and I’m sure you guys all have your own personal favourites too, but the sad fact is, we never really get shown the truth about the stuff that really matters.

I discovered an ad on Instagram last year for Gaia TV which really resonated with me at the time as I was experiencing another of my awakening processes, part of which you can read about here.


Gaia’s vision is to power the evolution of consciousness.

Gaia’s mission is to create a transformational network that empowers a global conscious community.


I liked their ethos so I had a little peek at the website, and I realised that this conscious TV was the type I’d like to watch. So, I subscribed and have now been enjoying Truth TV, at it’s best, for the past ten months.

Sometimes, I watch the documentaries and films whilst doing nothing else. Other times I place my laptop on my kitchen counter and watch/listen whilst I am washing up or cooking. Often times my ears really prick up and a particular part and I think, ‘I really need to note this down for my blog’!

I just feel that I want more and more people to see these amazing films. The teachings within all of the topics have certainly awakened me to mind-blowing stuff I had never known before. And that’s one of the reasons I love this website. I’m being educated whilst doing the washing up!

So, yeah, I have noted so many areas of interest which I’d like to share with you readers and I will continue to do so. Just click on Gaia in my main menu and it’ll take you to a ( eventually) library of conscious raising content.

Enjoy and thanks for reading my blog.


Heidi xx



Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda

I have recently read Autobiography of a Yogi and it is the most remarkable and spiritually moving book I have ever read. Here is an excerpt from this profound, life affirming book. There will be many more excerpts to come.

Taken from page 171.

The knowledge of ‘good and evil’ promised Eve by the ‘serpent, refers to the dualistic and oppositional experiences that mortals under maya ( illusion) must undergo. Falling into delusion through misuse of his feeling and reason, or Eve-and Adam- consciousness, man relinquishes his right to enter the heavenly garden of divine self sufficiency. The personal responsibility of every human is to restore his ‘parents’ or dual nature to a unified harmony or Eden.

“And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed” – Genesis 3:23. ( Bible)
The divine man first made by God had his consciousness centred in the omnipotent single eye in the forehead ( eastward). The all creative powers of his will, focused at that spot, were lost to man when he began to “till the ground” of his physical nature.

The ‘Adam and Eve’ story of the Hindus is recounted in the hoary Puranas, Srimad Bhagavata. the first man and woman ( beings in physical form) are called Swayambhuva Manu ( ‘man born of the creator’) and his wife Satarupa (‘true image’). Their five children intermarried with Prajapatis ( perfect beings who could assume corporeal form); from these first divine families was born the human race.

Never in East or West have I heard anyone else expound the Christian scriptures with so deep a spiritual insight as Sri Yukteswar’s. “Theologians have misinterpreted Christ’s words, “Master said, in such passages as ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me’ ( John 14:6, Bible).
Jesus meant, never that he was the sole Son of God, it that no man can attain the unqualified Absolute, the transcendent Father beyond creation, until he has first manifested the ‘Son’ or activating Christ Consciousness, identified himself with it inasmuch as his own ego had long since been dissolved”.

When Paul wrote: “God……created all things by Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 3:9, Bible), the sheer essence of the words is impersonality.

A form of spiritus, cowardice leads many worldly people to believe comfortably that only one man was the Son of God. “Christ was uniquely created,” they reason, “so how can I, a mere mortal, emulate Him?” But all men have been divinely created and must someday obey Christ’s command: “Be he therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” ( Matthew 5:48, Bible.)

Understanding of the law of karma and of its corollary reincarnation is displayed in numerous Biblical passages; e.g., “Whoso sheddeth mans’ blood, by man shall his blood be shed”( Genesis 9:6, Bible). If every murderer must himself be killed “by man,” the reactive process obviously requires m in many cases, more than one life-time. The contemporary police are just not quick enough!

The early Christian church accepted the doctrine of reincarnation, which was expounded by the Gnostics and by numerous church fathers, including Clement of Alexandria, the celebrated Origan (both 3rd century). The doctrine was first declared a heresay in A.D 553 by the Second Council of Constantinople. At that time many Christians thought the doctrine of reincarnation afforded man too simple a stage of time and space to encourage him to strive for immediate salvation. But truths suppressed lead disconcertingly to a host of errors. The millions have not utilised their ‘ one lifetime’ to seek God, but to enjoy this world – so uniquely won, and so shortly to be forever lost! The truth is that man reincarnated on earth until he has consciously regained his status as a son of God.

i have an Amazon affiliate account so I shall add a link here  if you feel this book interests you and you would like to read more


Heidi xx

A Visit to Heaven

Hello readers. I hope you’re all doing well .😊
I hope this account of my brief journey to another realm helps those whom are grieving for a loved one who has passed over.

In 1993, my partner, my best friend and my love, died.

His name was Julian. Jay, for short. He was a troubled guy but had a very good heart.

For the rest of my life, I will never forget the day that I learned of Jay’s death.

I returned from the forest close by to my house and where I had been collecting firewood. My friend Mark and his partner, Ian, were sitting on my doorstep awaiting my return. Baring in mind, this was 25 years ago and mobile phones hadn’t been invented, they hadn’t been able to let me know quickly of their visit and I also didn’t have a landline phone either!

I saw them and wondered why they were there. As I approached, they both stood up and I saw immediately the grave look on their faces. Despite that though, I was very happy to see them. They treated me very gently and refused at first to explain their reasons for being at my house. They just said for me to come inside and they’d explain everything.

They sat me down and told me that Jay had died.

I went into shock and then stood up and tried to start cleaning my house, but they stopped me and asked me, very gently, to look for his families phone numbers as they needed to be informed.

I did this, phone calls were made, a funeral was arranged and my sister came down to stay with me.

At the funeral, I was so distressed, family and friends were afraid that I would tried to throw myself into the grave hole and people had to hold me back. I realise that sounds very dramatic. But it was a very dramatic time.

My beautiful sisters wouldn’t hear of me being alone to care for my two children and so they stepped in as best they could. Firstly, we went to stay at my sisters house in London for a week and then the children and I flew to America to stay with my eldest sister for six weeks.

Whilst I was staying in London, I experienced a divinely beautiful visit to heaven. The world of death. The after life. And I met Jay.

It wasn’t a dream. I had been alive on this planet for 23 years by this time and I know what a dream is. And besides, I experienced many, many grief fraught dreams in the months following Jay’s death and, believe me, this wasn’t a dream.

Here is the account of my beautiful experience.

I was sat in pure whiteness. A pure light so bright that in ordinary circumstances it would be too blinding for the naked human eye. When I say I sat, I mean just that. I was sitting with my legs tucked underneath me. There was no floor, nor ceiling, no walls. Just whiteness, everywhere.

The feeling of love, everywhere, was sublime. There was no feeling of anything bad, it was just purely and simply pure, unconditional love. Nothing was wrong in that moment. Or any moment. All was just as it was. Unless one has experienced this feeling of sublime love, it literally cannot be explained by writing. It is beyond any vocabulary. It is not of this physical, 3D realm.

I sat in this pure love whiteness and ahead of me I saw a figure emerging out of nowhere but from a very long way away, all at the same time. It was Jay. He walked towards me in his usual jeans and t- shirt. In this physical realm my heart ached for him, uncontrollably, day and night. But in this beautiful spiritual realm, there was no longing. No heartache. We were both shrouded in this beautiful, unconditional love light and I felt happy.

Jay walked toward me and sat directly opposite me. We stared at one another and smiled. We stayed like that, just sitting and smiling and then he ‘spoke’ to me, telepathically. He told me that he was fine. That he was now safe, that everything was beautiful and that I had nothing to be worried about.

It was sublime.

And then he stood up and without a backwards glance, he walked away. As I say, in the months following Jay’s return to Source, I experienced many horrific dreams where I would wake up crying and searching for him in my mind and feeling hopeless and desperate that he was gone. But as I watched Jay walk away in the light, I felt no urge to jump up and run after him and tell him not to go, to please stay. I felt nothing but love and purity of spirit. I felt happy.

When I awoke the following morning, I immediately remembered our beautiful experience and was filled with peace. I said to myself, ‘I saw Jay last night. I actually met with Jay’. And I knew this to be true.

Over the past 25 years, I have told this story to quite a few people. There are those who are skeptical and question wether it was just a dream. A dream filled by a deep, grief filled desire to see Jay again. And there are those who believe also that I had indeed met Jay in his spirit dimension and that he had spoken with me.

I feel very blessed to have experienced many moments of grace in my life and now that I have the time to write, I look forward to sharing many more of those experiences with you.

Heidi xx

A New Mattress

Manifesting Stories #2

Some years ago, when I was realising that I could literally ‘dream up’ anything, I decided to give it a go with a new mattress.

The mattress I was using on my own bed at that time was very old, seriously lumpy and extremely uncomfortable! Before my newly found thought freedom, any thoughts of a new mattress had been fraught with feelings of lack and of having no idea how I could ever afford one and so they were pushed to the back of my mind whilst my thoughts instead only concentrated on the day to day and how to manage my children and their special needs.

Anyway, once I had decided to try the whole ‘manifesting anything we like’ magic out on a new mattress for myself, each night, when I went to bed, I would breathe calmly and slowly and get myself into a meditative state. I cleared my mind of the days worries and gave no thought to the busy day which would lay ahead with the children when I awoke.

Instead, I lay there and ran my hands over the bed sheet and attempted to completely ignore the broken springs of the mattress which were sticking in my body. As I did this, I very strongly ‘felt’ the firmness of my new mattress, all the while, over and over, saying, Thank You, Thank You and I really love my new mattress. I fell to sleep this way and repeated this ritual each night.

I can’t now remember how many days later ( this happened many years ago), but definitely under a week, I was on the phone to my old school friend. We were just chatting about this and that and then she said, ‘You don’t happen to know anyone who needs a mattress, do you?’

I felt that lovely, warm feeling of alignment to Source come over me and I told her that I did indeed know someone; me! She told me it was one she had been using herself but her and her husband were updating and they were looking to give theirs away for free. Now, just to say, my friend and her husband only ever had very nice and new things in their house. They are very much people who like to have a good quality of life, materialistically, and everything in their home reflects that. So, needless to say, I knew the mattress was going to be in tip top, used condition.

A few nights later, I found myself spreading fresh sheets over my lovely new mattress. Well, new to me, anyway. My friend had obviously used a very potent smelling fabric conditioner on her sheets as the mattress smelled amazing! But that wasn’t the best of it. The mattress was deep, incredibly good quality, stain free, firm and just so wonderfully comfortable.

All these years later ( it must be around 10 years ago now), I am still using this mattress as I have had absolutely no reason to change it. It’s been jumped on multiple times by my kids whilst we’ve been play fighting! a All my kids and I have slept on it together, many times over the years, and yet it still has kept its firmness and good quality.

I’m so grateful to my friend who offered me this gift and I’m also so grateful for my awakening.

I wish to all of you who reads my blog that you, yourselves, come to know that with gratitude, love and faith in the unseen hands that hold you and the unseen arms that envelope you, that you too can find your ability to receive.

Heidi xx

The Power of Your Subconcious Mind

Manifestation Stories #1

Years ago, in Goa, I think around 2008, I realised that my life needed more direction. I couldn’t keep running away to India to escape my horrid neighbourhood situation. I felt all over the place and unsettled. I needed to find some answers but I had no idea where to start. I felt desperate.

Help came one day in the form of a visit to a local bookstore. I used to buy the children’s educational books there as I was homeschooling them in India. I opened the shop door and right there, directly in front of me on a stand all of its own was a book called The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr Joseph Murphy.

Golden Hearts Emporium Margao, Goa

I strolled over to the stand, picked up the book and read the blurb and a random paragraph or two inside. I felt a surge of excitement as I realised that this was what I had been looking for and the thought that I had the power to change my own life, was empowering beyond belief.

That evening, after I had settled the kids in bed, I sat on my balcony and started to read. After the first three pages, I messaged my sister in Devon and suggested she go and buy this book straight away. “It will change your life’, I proclaimed. And it did, for both her and myself.

IMG_6635 2

It was the very beginning of what would later become an extraordinary life of self-empowerment which brought about huge life changes.

The book talks very simply of how we, as humans, have the power to choose how every aspect of our lives look like, and how we can literally invite into our lives all the things, people, situations and health that we desire.

What a revelation this was to me! I was fired up and I was hungry to finally start manifesting into my life all the things I DID want as opposed to unconsciously making happen all the things I didn’t want.

I started with a little experiment regarding my painful back. It hadn’t been a long-term problem but I’d obviously twisted it somehow, or maybe trapped a nerve somewhere as it had been paining for a few weeks prior. I told the children not to disturb mummy as I needed to go into the bedroom alone and quietly meditate for a while.

I sat still with my back as straight as it would allow and started to visualise. I played the detailed movie of myself prancing and dancing around on a lovely green lawn. I was making moves such as I ’d never made before. I was backflipping, hand-standing, cartwheeling, twisting around from left to right and my back was damn perfect. I said ‘thank you’ as I was visualising and, because I had just read The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr Joseph Murphy, I, as I said before, felt very fired up. This meant I had absolute faith that my experiment to heal my back would work. And of course, heal myself I did! Within about 10 minutes, I was standing up straight, back pain gone and it never returned.

You can imagine how THAT made me feel. My mind had healed my body and If I could do that then I could do bloody anything. I held my world in my hands. I suddenly felt as though I had magical powers!

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So well read, It’s falling apart!

This is not only just the first of many, many manifestation stories and I shall gradually share all off on here for you to have a read of and, hopefully, feel inspired by, but this book was the first in a long string of books which been pivotal in my awakening journey over the past ten years.

The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne. Yes, I can since see that whilst this book mostly teaches us how to ‘get things’, all those materialistic things in life like the car, the dream house, the ‘soul mate’, lots of money etc, and didn’t speak much about love, our true nature, it did open up the flood gates for people to realise that they are walking around every day, unconsciously creating their day to day experiences and the state of their relationships with people. That was a great thing! It made people realise the power to create their own reality was in their own hands!

Notes From The Universe by Mike Dooley, an author who featured on The Secret. A fun and inspiring book full of daily quotes and passages. I actually signed up for the daily email quotes and one point. I kept it going for a while.

The Conversations With God trilogy by Neale Donald Walsch which had me sat on my sofa for days on end, glued to each book and where I experienced many profound ‘light bulb moments’, as I like to call them.

Infinite Possibilities, by Mike Dooley. I read this book in 2012 when I was going through an extremely challenging time in my life relating to one of my children. It helped me to remain calm and focused and believe in the power of good. In many ways, it actually kept me sane during a time when I felt like I was slowly losing my shit.

The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin.  “The Sedona Method is an extremely powerful tool that will support you in finding inner balance and emotional freedom. The technique supports you in quickly shifting your state of consciousness from one of stress and resistance to one of relaxation and allowance. I highly recommend it. ” – Debbie Ford.

Synchro Destiny by Deepak Chopra. Oh, how I love Deepak! I love to listen to his wisdom on You Tube. Even though the screen, I feel such a wonderful energy from this man. Such an insightful, intelligent and warm person. This book is also completely dog eared with turned pages and pencil marks all over the pages where I’ve earmarked them for a book excerpt post one day.

All these books and so, so many more have led me to my current read.  Autobiography of a Yogi is, to date, one of the best books on spirituality I have ever read. It is beautifully written. The content, at times, takes my breath away. This book also has many turned over pages and pencil circles around paragraphs! I’m very much looking forward to writing about it.

Happy reading and happy manifesting, everyone 🙂


Heidi xx

(pssst – this post contains affiliate links. I’m hoping to fund more book buying 🙂 Namaste.)



Healing Through the Power of the Full Moon ( and angels?)

So much seems to be happening to me lately, spiritually speaking. Even though I slept well and long, I still woke tired because it has been rather an eventful night. So, I’ll just get right on and tell you what happened to me, ( with me?)

Thursday 7th September 2017 and I turned in early, around 8.45pm that night. I decided to listen to the full moon meditation on one of the pages I have joined on facebook as the live broadcast of it had been the previous night and I’d missed it.

I placed my phone on the pillow next to me and almost immediately after the meditation started with the angelic voice of Charu, I felt something to start happening in my hands.

Firstly in my right, and then my left. It was as though a power was starting to flow through them. A description for the feeling is ‘fizziness’, if that makes sense. Not in the pins and needles type way, but in an energy type way. I was laid on my side at the time and I wondered what on earth was happening to my hands! And then the only way I can describe it was that I was ‘taken over’.

The energy in my hands quickly became something that wasn’t me and I could just feel this power coming through my body and out through my hands. I didn’t feel the same fizziness through my whole body but I could literally feel my body filling up with power. This force didn’t seem to have an entry point, you know? It wasn’t coming from my head for eg. My body as a whole, all at the same time, was becoming more and more powerful. It was very strong.

I was suddenly wide awake! The power extended beyond my body and filled the room! Although, of course, ‘filling a room’ is just an interpretation based on my physical experience, but really, I’m certain that this energy force, this power, extended far, far beyond the point of the physical restraints of my house!

As this power filled me up, I felt compelled to shift from lying on my side to lying on my back and then something that wasn’t ‘me’ extended my arms in the air and lifted my hands. I was lying there, in my bed, alone and with my arms and hands reached as long and as high as I could make them go, with a power surging through me. My eyes were wide and staring. It was absolutely incredible!

Charu’s voice was no longer coming from my phone on the pillow. It filled the whole room! And then she said something about raising your hands to allow this full moon power through you and I thought, ‘I am, I am! That is exactly what I’m doing!’

I can’t say this power was beautiful because it wasn’t. It wasn’t as though I was filled with a wonderful, sublime love energy, yet it wasn’t dark either. It was just very, very strong.

Now, I haven’t experienced period pains for 11 years as I last bled in September 2006. Suddenly, however, I felt my womb ache and again, a force outside of me ( or in me?) placed my vibrating hands right on my lower belly, and it wasn’t gently either. Everything was like BAM! And I held them there and then Charu said something about womb space, womb energy and again I thought, ‘Oh my God, this has just happened to me!’

The next feeling was extraordinary, ( as if the previous feelings weren’t!!). It was as though something was being extracted from deep inside me, yet it wasn’t from deep inside my physical body,. I mean deep, deep inside the very core of my being. It was so powerful! It was as though this bad stuff was being pulled from inside me and it caused me to involuntary arch my back. And I cried. But I didn’t cry like Boo Hoo Hoo. You know when you’re in so much emotional pain and when you cry that no noise comes out? You’re ready to but it’s like something is building up inside your belly waiting to let rip? Well, yeah. That happened. And I had no idea what was going on. I was just in it.

Again, the feeling wasn’t beautiful yet I realised then that the essence of what was happening, was. I knew that a lifetime ( and who knows how many more lifetimes ) of pain, heartache and shit was being released from me in the most intense way.  A profound healing was taking place.

And then I let it out!

A sound that came from inside the very depths of my belly, my being, just made its way up my body and out through my mouth. It wasn’t a cry or a scream, It was a long, loud, guttural Arrgghhh sound. Such release! And then I cried. And cried and cried. I laid there in the darkness of my room, swimming in an intensely powerful energy field with my hands on my womb and cried. And whilst I was crying, Charu’s voice, which seemed to come from another place, said something about not receiving love from your birth mother and again, it just completely connected to what I was experiencing at that time.

I looked up at my darkened room and saw two white lights. One to my left and one to my right. They weren’t blinding, bright lights or anything. They were faint yet not so faint that they escaped my notice. They weren’t huge either, more of a line each with no defining edges to them. And I stared at them, moving my eyes from one to the other and I felt them and didn’t know which one to look at first.

I stayed like this, surrounded with power in and around me for a time which I can’t define. Then the room was quiet and I could no longer hear Charu’s voice, presumably because the meditation had finished. I remember then that the power slowly died and went away, including the white lights and I just laid there, not in a peaceful state necessarily. I was exhausted and fell asleep.

When I woke up in the middle of the night I looked to see what time it was and it was 03:33am. This doesn’t surprise me anymore. The angels have been communicating to me through numbers, and many other ways, for 6 months now. Of course, I instantly remembered what had happened and I started to cry. I curled up, naked, in the fetal position and cried.

I started to nod off but then instead of sleeping, I began to astral project and I thought, ‘No. No, I can’t do this now’. But it was happening anyway whether I liked it or not. I didn’t astral project upwards, I was instead ‘rolling’ for want of a better word, off the side of my bed and then I was being spoken to by a voice. The voice had a sweet, kind energy about it. And the voice said, ‘You are coming and you are going down’. And I talked back to this voice but only through thought and I said, ‘what do you mean I’m going down? I don’t want to go down. I don’t want to go anywhere. Where are you taking me?’ I knew I was being taken to somewhere yet I didn’t feel scared. I think I was just too exhausted and so emotionally spent. I literally knew that resistance was not an option and so I then said, ‘Okay, I’ll go. Just do whatever it is you’re going to do. Just take me to wherever you’re taking me. Whatever you’re going to do to me, I surrender to what is’. And I say surrender but it felt to me more like a resignation because so much has happened to me lately along this same vein that I am in a space where I recognise that healings and awakenings of sorts are taking place at an alarming rate and this was just more of the same. I knew that whatever was about to happen to me, or however ‘bad’ it was going to be, was going to be more of my release of pain.

I was then lying in a road. A busy, main road and next to me was a little boy with brown hair. I don’t know who this boy was but he was just laying by my side. I didn’t feel any need to protect him, I didn’t recognise him, but I just know that I felt incredible sadness. I could see the cars on the other side of the road to where we were laying, just whizzing past yet none were on our side. I thought, ‘I’m going to stay here. Just let a fucking car come and run us over. Just kill me.’ I  had literally given up. And then I heard a car coming and I knew it was for me, yet this car remained at the same distance away, ( through sound only, I didn’t actually see the car). It was as though it was waiting for me to make a decision.

I made the decision to get up.

I didn’t want to die on that road. I had changed my mind and decided that I would actually quite like to live. So I got up and I took that boy with me over to the path and stood by a wall. And that was it. I don’t remember anything else.

I woke up in the morning and cried. I cried in my bed, I cried sitting on the loo, I cried and cried and felt so heavy with emotion that I couldn’t see how I was going to function properly that day with all the things I have to do. I felt like I’d been beaten up. Every muscle in my body ached.

Clearly, a healing had taken place but I didn’t feel light or energised in any way. However, life goes on and my day progressed and happily, I ended up seeing my beautiful granddaughter that day. She has the power to lift me because I love her so, so much and she makes me laugh and I always feel so happy when I’m around her, the lovely little 2-year-old energy that she is.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for my healing.